Friday, June 10, 2005

Gripe of the Day: My work building

My gripe of the day is that I hate the building I work in. It's old. It's in a boring neighborhood. You know what - this building sucks so much that it has just earned itself a Letterman top ten list. Here goes:

Top Ten Reasons Why I Hate Working in This Building:

10. It's on Madison Avenue in the damn Persian rug district of Manhattan. Boring.

9. The front doors are so heavy that I have to throw my entire body weight into opening them.

8. You can't go down the stairs without setting off the fire alarm. And nicely enough - the emergency lights don't work. We learned this during the blackout two years ago - and had to go down the stairs by the light of Abe's palm pilot.

7. It's in a really boring neighborhood. If you ride in NYC cabs and look at the map in the backseat all the neighborhoods have names except for this one.

6. The bathrooms are ancient. Stupid and pink and tiled. I swear its an exact replica of the restrooms in grammar school.

5. The sinks in the bathrooms have these soap dispensers that barely dispense any soap. They're the old fashioned pump kind - but even after fifty pumps, you've got maybe a drop of pink soap.

4. The elevators decide which one wants to take you up. All three could be in the lobby - but you could get in one and it won't budge. You have to get into the other one, and then it will take you up.

3. At night, the elevators tend to "go to sleep". That's right - you push the button, wait for fifteen minutes, and - nothing. You eventually have to call down to the doorman to send them up.

2. It's in a boring neighborhood. Have I mentioned that already?

1. The elevators are now deciding its fun to skip my floor altogether. After making me miss a mailroom drop off because they were "asleep" the elevators then proceeded to skip my floor on the way up, and on the way back down to the lobby, even though I had pushed the buttons twice. I then had to take another elevator.

This building sucks.