You Know You Are from Queens If...

Every few months one of these lists goes around the email - and I thought I'd share it and point out why they are really true:

You know you are from Queens if...

1) You know someone who went to Newtown, Adams, Cleveland or Francis Lewis High Schools - My Dad, Alicia, and my ex went to Cleveland, so there's one

2) You have shopped on Steinway St. & Main St. - bought my prom dress on Steinway

3) You don't go to Manhattan, You go into the"City" or down to "The Village" - this is true. I don't think I've ever said "Manhattan". Like, ever.

4) The Belt Parkway And Grand Central Suck But You Know Them Both Like The Back Of Your Hand - Yup. The Belt gets me to the beach every summer - and the Grand Central used to get me to school - and both can be fun drives when there's no traffic

5) You Know That Crossing Queens Blvd. At Rush Hour Is A Suicide Mission - crossing Queens Blvd is pretty scary all the time. I've broken into a run more than once.

6) You Live Within 20 Blocks Of A Cemetery - I live within twenty blocks of three - St. John's, Mt. Olivet and Lutheran Cemetery

7) You Know The Difference Between Crossbay & Woodhaven Blvd. - yeah, once you're on Crossbay, you're in Mob country

8) At One Time In Your Life You Have Fished Off Of The Crossbay Bridge - actually this one I've never done - but I know about five people who have! (This is the most ghetto way to go fishing ever. Mike told me he actually caught a fish this way once, and it said it looked like the one from the Simpsons with three eyes

9) You Know The Difference Between Goin' With,Seeing,Fooling Around With And Going Out With Someone - who doesn't?

10) You Curse, A Lot - fuck yeah I do

11) You Can Name At Least 6 (if not all) Members Of The "86 "METS - Gary Carter, Keith Hernandez, Daryl Strawberry, Dwight Gooden, Lenny Dykstra, Mookie Wilson

12) You Hung out at "the park" - yeah, I've had a beer or two in there

13) You Know That Juniper Valley Is Not Between 2 Mountains - that's right. It's nestled between Maspeth and Glendale in Middle Village

14) When it snows you put garbage pails in the street to save your parking space - it's messed up, but yeah we do it

15) Your Friends Came Over To Hang Out On The Stoop - Kelly and I spent numerous childhood hours on the stoop...

16) You Know Someone With Mob Ties - I could name a few, but I won't cause then they'll kill me

17) At Least One Of Your Neighbors Is A Mental Case - yup, one of em went around slashing tires one summer. exciting stuff!

18) You Have Cruised Crossbay Or Franny Lew - my friend met her boyfriend cruising Franny Lew!

19) Private Beach?Whats That? Meet Me At B116 St. - my sister's friend was a lifeguard here one year, and she had to do about six saves a day to haul the people drinking out of the water

20) You Know What A Two Fare Zone Is - story of my life - subway then the bus...

21) You Know That "New Park "On Crossbay Has The Best Pizza - the place is a shack, but it is good pizza

22) You Know That You Can Renew Your License And Visit Your Parole Officer On Jamaica Ave - my sister went on a class trip to the Queens courthouse once. They took them into Central booking, and there was some guy behind bars going "what the hell is going on? you telling me all these white people are getting locked up?" then he said, "Oh, this is a class trip, yeah, I'm here with my class too."

23) Every Day Of Your Life A Pigeon Has Shit On Your Car - at least every other day, yeah

24) You Know That Bayside Girls Are As Bitchy As Middle Village Girls, Glendale And Ridgewood Girls Are Never To Be Messed With And That Howard Beach Girls Are The Worst - can't argue with that logic, though I've never really participated in the Middle Village bitchiness

25) You Have Been To Or Heard Of The Big Bow Wow - heard of it, yeah

26) Some Of Your Family Live On The Island The Rest Live A Few Blocks Away - yup - my grandmothers and great aunts lived within walking distance - but the rest of the fam lives upstate and in CT

27)You can walk to Church on Sunday morning - yup, right around the corner

28)You Have Been To At Least a Dozen Different Church Bazaars Whether You're Catholic Or Not - twenty years ago my Dad ran one of the wheel games at the Hope bazaar. and yes, I was at one as recently as last summer down in Brooklyn

29)All the houses on your block are attached - yes they are

30) There Is A Bar On Your Corner And You Have probably Been Hangin'Out There Since Before You Were 18 - for me this isn't true, but the closest I have is O'Neill's - big neighborhood place!

31) You know how to parallel park - a skill I'm quite proud of. I really mastered the art when working in Ridgewood

32) You Have Learned To Ignore The Deafening Roar Of Low Flying Airplanes - true. it's the quiet that freaks me out

33) You Know To Avoid The Grand Central Pkwy During The US OPEN (and especially when the METS are playing at home) - page one people. Poor Beth got stuck in four hours of traffic once because of this

34)You Have Searched Over An Hour For A Parking Space - all part of living in NY

35) You Hate Alternate Side Of The Street Parking- I do, thank God my neighborhood doesn't have it

36) Deep In Your Heart You Fantasize About The JETS Coming Back To Queens - well, the boys would like it and that would be fun in the bars

37) Deep Down You Are Really A Yankee Fan But Afraid To Admit it - it is nice to be at the ticker tape parade when they win...

38) You Know The Farmers Oval Has Never Had A Farmer and Is Definitely Not Oval - Ha

39) You Know The Other Name For Christ The King Is "The Country Club" - my alma mater!

40) You Swore You Would NEVER Buy A House on Long Island! YEAH RIGHT! - at this point, I'll take a house anywhere I can afford one