Spam can be fun

At work - I get lots and lots of spam emails - as I'm sure many of you do as well. I actually find some of them really amusing - especially the ones from the "Nigerian email scammers". For those of you who have read my fiction - you've seen them before. For those of you who haven't - there are many people in Africa and other places around the world who have found that scamming people for money via email can actually be quite lucrative. Many of them are from Nigeria - hence the generalization. They send out these email sob stories asking for help - and you begin writing them back because once you say WIIFM - What's in it for me, inevitably, the answer is usually several million dollars. Only somewhere down the line - your finances are needed to complete the transaction - for bank fees or good faith money. That's how you get scammed. Now I've gotten into the habit of reading some of these scam emails when they come in because I must admit - these guys get damn creative in their bullshitting. This one in today:

Friend.

As you read this,I don't want you to feel sorry for me, because, I believe everyone will die someday. My name is AZIZ OMAR,a merchant in Baghdad,in (Iraq)I was married with two children.

My wife and two children died in a car accident six years a go I have been diagnosed with Esophageal cancer.It has defiled all forms of medical treatment, and right now I have only about a few months to live, according to medical experts.

I have not particularly lived my life so well,as I never really cared for anyone(not even myself)but my business. Though I am very rich, I was never generous, I was always hostile to people and only focused on my business as that was the only thing I cared for. But now I regret all this as I now know that there is more to life than just wanting to have or make all the money in the world.

I believe when God gives me a second chance to come to this world I would live my life a different way from how I have lived it. Now that God has called me, I have willed and given most of my property and assets to my immediate and extended family members as well as a few
close friends. I want God to be merciful to me and accept my soul so, I have decided to give alms to charity organizations, as I want this to be one of the last good deeds I do on earth. So far, I have distributed money to some charity organizations in the U.A.E, Algeria and Malaysia. Now that my health has deterioratedso badly, I cannot do this myself anymore.

I once asked members of my family to close one of my accounts and distribute the money which I have there to charity organization in Bulgaria and Pakistan, they refused and kept the money to themselves.

Hence, I do not trust them anymore, as they seem not to be contended with what I have left for
them. The last of my money which no one knows of is the huge cash deposit of twenty million united states dollars that I have with a finance/Security Company abroad. I will want you to help me collect this deposit and dispatched it to charity organizations. I have set aside only 10 % for you and for your time.

God be with you.

Regards,
AZIZ OMAR

This guy is fascinating. First of all - I enjoyed his first message - "don't feel sorry for me, for I believe that everyone will die someday," Really? Thanks for clueing me in chief. And don't worry, I won't feel sorry for you. Then I like it that he gets real personal - talking about how he wasn't very good to people - even hostile to people. I almost have to give these guys credit - they don't skimp on the details. Anyway Omar - keep typing away- but don't expect much from me. I think I'm going to keep my money in the bank where it belongs.